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How to forgive yourself

We all make mistakes. That’s right: all of us. Because no one’s perfect!

These lapses in judgment or actions can weigh heavily on our hearts and minds, affecting our mental wellbeing.

Woman with braids looking away and pinching her lips, looking upset

Learning to forgive yourself is an essential step towards healing and achieving peace of mind. Are you ready to embark on this journey? Follow the guide and learn the subtle art of self-forgiveness.

The art of self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is a compassionate act towards oneself, acknowledging past mistakes and releasing the burden of guilt and shame.

It’s a process that allows you to let go of negative emotions and make room for healing and personal growth. Self-forgiveness is built upon four main pillars:


Forgiving yourself means acknowledging you’re only human, and making mistakes is a natural part of life. No one's perfect, and everyone has a past filled with errors, regrets, and misjudgments – however big or small.


Self-forgiveness is an act of friendship towards yourself. It’s about showing the same compassion to yourself that you would offer to a friend facing a similar situation. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.


Treating yourself with compassion doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be accountable for your errors. Take responsibility for your actions without self-blame. Acknowledge your role in the situation and focus on what you can learn from it.


By forgiving yourself, you create space for positive change. Recognize that self-forgiveness is a path to personal growth and emotional healing. You’re choosing to become a better person rather than stay stuck in a vicious cycle of self-blame.

Why should you forgive yourself?

Forgiving yourself is a powerful act that can have a profound effect on your mental wellbeing and personal growth. Here are some of the benefits:

  • Reduced stress and anxiety: Letting go of guilt and shame can significantly reduce stress and anxiety levels, allowing you to enjoy a greater sense of peace.

  • Improved self-esteem: Self-forgiveness boosts self-esteem and self-worth, helping you build a more positive self-image.

  • Better relationships: As you become more forgiving of yourself, you may find it easier to forgive others and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

  • Increased resilience: Self-forgiveness equips you with the tools to bounce back from setbacks and adversity more effectively.

The 7 steps to forgiving yourself

“So, how do I forgive myself?” Follow these steps to show yourself compassion, learn from your past mistakes, and turn regrets into the will to do better.

1) Reflect on the past

Begin your journey to self-forgiveness by reflecting on the past. Take some time to revisit the mistakes or regrets that have been haunting you.

It's essential to confront your past actions and the emotions associated with them. Can you identify how they made you feel then, and now?

For example, you might have made fun of a friend and thought it was a harmless joke at the time, but later realized it was insensitive and hurt their feelings. Now, you feel guilty and ashamed of your actions.

2) Learn your lesson

Rather than dwelling on the mistakes themselves, focus on the lessons they have taught you. Every experience, no matter how negative, can be a valuable teacher.

Ask yourself what you have learned from your past actions and how you can apply those lessons in the future. Can you be more empathetic? Learn to better control your anger?

Think about what you would do differently if you had a time machine, and apply these principles and values to your future decisions and interactions.

3) Offer yourself compassion

Self-compassion is a fundamental aspect of self-forgiveness. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and you deserve forgiveness and healing.

Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and patience that you would offer to a dear friend. Would you blame them, or give them a chance to redeem themselves?

4) Release negative thoughts

Guilt and shame can be heavy burdens to carry. It's crucial to acknowledge these emotions and then release them.

You can do this through journaling, talking to a therapist, or engaging in mindfulness and meditation practices. It’s not a miracle cure, but continuous practice does help!

5) Make amends if you can

In some situations, making amends with others may be an essential part of the self-forgiveness process. Saying sorry isn’t about making yourself feel better, though. It’s about doing what’s right and expressing sincere and genuine regret.

If your actions have harmed someone else, consider apologizing and making efforts to repair the damage, if possible. This step can help both you and the affected person find closure.

Remember to respect people’s boundaries. They might not be ready to accept your apology, and they don’t have to!

6) Be patient with yourself

Self-forgiveness is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and set realistic expectations. Again, saying sorry won’t magically make you feel better!

Healing and personal growth are gradual, so don't rush the process. The important thing is to remain accountable and focus your energy towards progress rather than self-blame.

7) Seek support

Don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a counselor.

Talking about your feelings and experiences with a trusted person can provide valuable insights and emotional support during your journey to self-forgiveness.

Why not join our platform to receive 24/7 support from a welcoming community?

The journey to self-forgiveness is a profoundly transformative one. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to learn from your mistakes.

By embracing self-forgiveness, you can break free from the chains of guilt and shame, allowing yourself to grow, heal, and thrive.


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